Basements and Braunsteins

Session 129: The Story of the Great Gape

This session was played on 10/24/25 and ended 11/4/25.

Roster

Relevant Downtime

No relevant downtime for this session. The party was stationed at the "Purple Monastery" (or whatever name we are calling it now) recovering after last session.

During downtime they learned that bandits had been stopping by the monastery monthly to extort them for gold and relics.

Session Report

Introduction

I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to include in this session report. I had some ideas about how players deserve less slack, but I’ll shelve those for now. The gist is that players should be ready to adventure immediately upon arriving at the session. Gary mentions this many times throughout the Player’s Handbook—which, as we all know, most players don’t actually read.

One thing my water polo coach drilled into our heads was that if you weren’t on the pool deck completely ready, you’d be swimming drills the entire practice instead of playing. Even failing to tie the strings on your suit counted as not ready—your uniform wasn’t fully on, we’d be told.

All this to say: over the past few sessions my players burned a lot of session time by not being ready at the start. On one occasion, up to two hours were spent just buying gear and hiring mercenaries and henchmen—things that should be handled during downtime. Gary agrees.

I say this because players and characters who are not fully prepared to adventure cannot earn top marks. A character can’t fully exemplify their role or class if they’re unprepared. Simple as that.

Anyway, this session was actually pretty cool. We incorporated a new player into the campaign, and an old one rejoined us after a hiatus. Since I’m a harsh DM, most characters die before reaching level 3; those who do are often jailed due to lack of funds and an inability to pay their upkeep.

This session, a few of those level-3 characters stepped up, led some lower-level characters, and fended off an invading bandit force. The session was straightforward in that regard, but there’s also a side story here—one long lost to time: the story of The Gaping.

Preparations at the Purple Monastery (The Blessed Monastery of the Holy Collaboration of the Brothers Prune)

As mentioned above, the players were being taken care of at the monastery during their downtime. The session began with them about to set out for adventure when one of the monks pleaded with them to leave some troops behind to protect the monastery from bandits and brigands.

Braxton refused to leave his men unattended at the monastery but was interested in helping. He gave the monks 2,311 gold pieces to use as a payoff for the bandits. Then he had another idea. He and the party developed multiple ambush plans—taking dozens of real-life minutes—on how to trap the bandits the next time they showed up.

They had no information on the bandits’ numbers. I’m not sure they even thought they could survive—or if they just wanted a big slice of action.

From the start of the session, the players had about a week to prepare for the bandits’ arrival. The party created different engagement plans based on how the bandits might approach. They hid horsemen and other cavalry in the rear stables, ready to charge and surround any bandits caught outside the monastery’s enclosure.

They cached large ceramic jars of oil inside the gate to burn clusters of bandits quickly and drenched the ground with oil as well. Assassins, thieves, archers, and other missile troops took positions on broken walls and other vantage points.

Steve Oedekirk was going to make the “hand-off.” As soon as the bandits were distracted by receiving the gold, the rest of the party would spring the ambush.

With the plan set, the party rested. They were awakened by a monk with a message from the abbot, Dave (“Blessings”) Blunts. He invited them into his private quarters—ornate rooms of lush purple-toned wood trimmed in gold. (It’s no wonder the bandits assumed the monastery had vast wealth; at one time, maybe they did.)

Dave wears loose violet robes embroidered with silver wave patterns. His bald head is marked by swirling tattoos representing “the eternal drip.” His chalice — a carved amethyst cup — never runs empty. When meditating, faint trap beats can be heard emanating from nowhere.

Dave explained that he was grateful the players were doing the right thing and defending the monks and their monastery. He promised to help the party in the future should they succeed—training for the monk and other considerations. Though it was out of the way, he said they were welcome to take refuge at the monastery any time they needed. He also proclaimed that if the players could protect the monastery, they would be deemed worthy to wield the ancient blade Forgiveness, a relic of the First Brother Pruned. The blade had been stolen by bandits in an earlier raid.

The Siege of the Purple Monastery (The Blessed Monastery of the Holy Collaboration of the Brothers Prune)

The stage was set. The players advanced time one week to 11/1/25.

Everything went as perfectly as it could for the party. The bandits approached nonchalantly. At the chapel door, Steve waited with a few sacks of gold coins. From a group of 40+ bandits, a leader and his guards emerged to speak with him. They demanded that Steve begin loading the gold into their horses’ saddlebags. While doing so, he let out a war cry, lunged, and tried to unhorse one of the riders.

The bandits were not expecting a forceful response. They had been raiding this monastery for months with no pushback, so their guard was down. They were surprised for two rounds. That was essentially all the party needed.

The archers had bows ready and loosed multiple shots during the surprise. The oil-soaked ground was lit, and the cavalry and other men-at-arms charged from hiding.

After the two segments of surprise, more than half the bandits were dead. We rolled initiative, and the party won. After the first full round, maybe only a quarter of the original bandits were still alive.

The next round, they surrendered. The party and the bandits began negotiating terms. The bandit leader said he and his men were originally decent men who were pushed into these deeds because harpies were doing to them what they had been doing to the monks.

When the bandits couldn’t make their payments, men were abducted and carried away by the harpies, never to be seen again. The leader claimed the harpies likely had any relics or magic items the monks once possessed.

The party looted the bandits, collected their gear, thanked the monks, and headed back to Chestertonshire to seek information and lore about harpies.

Around this time, a wild man named Vetch stumbled upon the party and attempted to “gape” Marv Targ as he sat alone. The attempt failed.

The Story of the Great Gape

At some point during the siege, we took a smoke break. Only the players of Marv, Vetch, and Bargis stayed inside. None of us outside knew a story was being told. When we returned, Vetch’s player insisted that Marv retell the tale he had just shared while we were gone.

This is a story I can’t fully do justice to in writing, but I’ll give it a concise try.

Some backstory: this comes from one of our D&D 5e campaigns circa 2016–2017. A player (we’ll call him Tim) was searching for a “dockmaster” but instead encountered a so-called “cockmaster”—an overzealous admirer who followed him endlessly (think the adoring fan in Oblivion), even to the point of breaking into his inn room at night.

One morning, Tim awoke and noticed his window was open. Fearing the worst, he called on his cleric friends to detect evil. The area registered as desecrated. Tim believed he had been violated (gaped) by his unwanted “master.” The next few sessions involved tracking down this gapist, and throwing him off the highest roof in Shrewsbury.

This is a story to illustrate our favorite player, "Tim", and strange antics he gets himself into during a session. He also recently told us that he can't wait to make enough gold in the game to retire his adventurer to become a bartender.

Aftermath

Slain

TOTAL = 2,517 XP

Spoils

TOTAL = 3,675 XP

Score

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